narcissist
Recognizing Narcissistic Behavior and Learning to Deal with It
Der Narzisst privat und als Chef: So findest du Wege aus einer toxischen Beziehung und wieder zu deinen Stärken.
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Recognizing Narcissists
Am I in a relationship with a narcissist?
How do I recognize a narcissist? And how do I break up with him? The first step out of a toxic relationship is to realize that you are in one. Here you will find answers to many questions.
How do I recognize a narcissist
The narcissist is an excellent storyteller
He inspires with words and gestures and likes to be the center of attention - whether in his private life or at work. Wherever he is, people flock around him. At first it can be very nice to get to know such a personality. He is a great person when it comes to conquering, he naturally wants to win - and at the beginning he will woo you specifically, shower you with compliments and great gifts. Forget the small bouquet of flowers, bouquets are becoming more common, jewelry, fancy bags... Love bombing is the keyword here at the beginning of a love relationship with a narcissist. Unfortunately, the narcissist does not want to make you happy with this. He wants one thing: to radiate how great he is.
He gathers many friends around him
A narcissist needs to feel like he's a great guy. However, we don't find long-term friends or deep friendships with narcissists. Because the narcissist lives and survives by valuing himself highly and overvaluing himself. He only achieves this by devaluing the people around him. Good friends don't put up with that for long.
The narcissist always wants to control everything
He wants to know where you are meeting with whom and when. Conversely, he won't tell you where he spends his time. So the control only goes in one direction.
The narcissist is always right
He has no fears. He knows everything better and he is always right. Example: He gives waiters a hard time if something isn't right. He is so over-the-top that he belittles others. He is not afraid of aggression, conflicts, arguments. This can also impress those around him.
Advantage of a relationship with a narcissist
The narcissist is a great protector
As self-confident and fearless as he appears, he is extremely attractive to a certain type of woman: women who are rather shy, reserved or even fearful find in the narcissist a knight in golden armor.
It's never boring with a narcissist
A relationship with him is a bit like a rollercoaster ride. It is very exciting and entertaining with him, the narcissist wants to offer something to show how great he is. This creates a lot of tension: he seems charming, but not really empathetic. He is rather cold, calculating and detached. We cannot therefore build a real emotional relationship with a narcissist.
A narcissist is great in bed
A narcissist also brings his inflated self-image to the physical level. This is exciting and fun.
Separation from a Narcissist
So there are many reasons, even supposed advantages, that make a relationship with a narcissist so interesting. This makes it all the more difficult to break up with him. Especially since a narcissist can also be very hurtful. If he has already conquered you, he is looking for a new conquest, a new flirt. And you have to be able to put up with that.
A narcissist can become very aggressive
He cannot take criticism. He always feels he is right and there is no discussion about it. At some point you may recognize the toxic relationship with a narcissist and want to break up. Ending a relationship is always difficult, especially with a narcissist.
The way out of a toxic relationship with a narcissist - I am happy to support you with this. With a view to helping you find your self-confidence, your strengths and your resources again.
Communication with a Narcissist
How to deal with egomaniacs
How do I confront a narcissist in conversation? Discover narcissistic manipulation techniques and the reactions you can use to throw narcissists off track.
Narcissists do not speak to anyone, but primarily talk about themselves. They lapse into monologues in which they talk about their own greatness or their magnificent experiences. Small things are often and happily stylized into something very special. The audience, the person they are talking to, are at best just a source of cues.
Typical for narcissists: monologue and blame
It is also typical of a narcissist that he likes to complain in his statements and complain about other people or even situations. Often these are accusations of guilt that appear either irrelevant or insignificant to the attentive listener. All other people are incompetent. Only the narcissist himself is the superficial highlight of the story. Hotline employees can tell you all about it: phone calls with a narcissist do not end in a very constructive way.
Die narzisstische Gesprächsführung
Conversations with a narcissist have nothing in common with real communication. Even the word component "Kom" for "Miteinander" doesn't work. The use of objections and contradictions is typical for a narcissist. For example, if you talk about how bad the weather was last week, the narcissist will object that Tuesday or Wednesday had a few sunny hours to offer. However, the background information is not discussed.
Another characteristic of a narcissist is that he always avoids the core of a statement in a conversation. His statements usually end with a remark that borders on absoluteness. A narcissistic person also likes to change the subject abruptly.
During the conversation, the narcissist tries to devalue the other person in order to elevate himself. In doing so, he is not authentic, otherwise he would destroy the exaggerated and "glamorous" image he has created for himself.
When narcissists meet...
It gets particularly interesting when two narcissists meet. For a moment, the conversation will be downright intoxicating for both sides. But the initial egocentric behavior will soon develop into a kind of narcissistic competition. Each side will try to outdo the other. At some point, monologues will ensue in which each side talks past the other.
Competition versus Give and Take
Menschen, die in ein Gespräch vertieft sind, hören dem anderen hingegen aufmerksam zu. Sie zeigen sich als echte Gesprächspartner und damit gleichwertig und unbefangen; Egoismus und Machtansprüche finden keinen Raum. Das Gespräch verläuft auf Augenhöhe; es dreht sich inhaltlich um ein Geben und Nehmen.
How can I confront narcissists in conversation?
Narcissists want to make their counterpart feel guilty and ashamed during a conversation. Therefore, you should act disinterested during the conversation and not really try to respond to anything. Reactions like "I already know that" or "You're not telling me anything new" will quickly throw a narcissist off track. Say something similarly banal, or be the one who spontaneously changes the subject. On the phone, it helps to say: "Please speak louder, I can't understand you."
Covert narcissists have a rather vague style when conducting conversations. They often leave something out, resort to hints and circumlocutions, and do not want to commit themselves. And certainly not to their own opinion or that of the other person.
Silence treatment - a manipulation technique of narcissists
Narcissists often use a downright perfidious manipulation technique, the so-called "silence treatment". They remain silent and hope to generate a silent accusation in the other person. Simply turn the tables. Give the narcissist something to praise on the spur of the moment. Or accept the situation, true to the motto: "If there is nothing to say, then there is nothing to say."
Always remember: a narcissist sees the person he is talking to as just an instrument with which he or she wants to implement a concept. The best help is to talk to normal people more often. That way you will never lose faith in a good conversation.
Are you looking for solutions to deal with narcissists?
Dealing with Narcissists at Work
The solution lies within you
Laut einer Statistik ist jeder zweite Arbeitnehmer unglücklich im Job. Liegt das tatsächlich an der Aufgabe, am eigentlichen Job? Häufig liegt es an narzisstischen Persönlichkeiten in Führungspositionen.
Narcissistic boss - what characterizes him?
Im Interview wird der narzisstische Chef oder die narzisstische Vorgesetzte den Job großartig darstellen, ebenso den Spielraum, den du in diesem Job bekommst. Du wirst dich wunderbar fühlen und den Job gerne annehmen. Übst du den Job erst einmal eine Weile aus, wird deine Leistung der narzisstischen Führungskraft nicht gut genug sein. Alles, was du präsentierst, wertet er oder sie ab. Du fühlst dich klein und ohnmächtig. Das kann Zweifel generieren: Kann ich das nicht? Bin ich wirklich nicht so gut?
Geh in dich: Wo liegt eigentlich meine Unzufriedenheit?
Now it is important to reflect on yourself. These questions can help you:
What does narcissistic behavior actually have to do with me?
Is this perhaps a devaluation of my work?
Am I not appreciated?
Is nothing ever good enough?
Coaching: How to learn to deal with a narcissistic personality
Let’s first take a bird’s eye view and look at the following points:
What is the structure of the company?
What are the characters like in the company?
What character do you have – what character does your leader have?
How does this fit together?
How can you communicate with each other? Or not...
And then we find your resources, your true skills and activate your self-esteem. Because that's what really matters: We want to find out what your path, your goal in your professional career is - completely independent of a narcissistic manager. And so we also find a way how you can deal with this toxic, narcissistic personality. To position yourself better, differently in the company - or somewhere else.
